2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
