so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
