I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
