saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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