Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
