Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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