dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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