So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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