a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
