this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
