Duck Duck Cougar?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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