ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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