I'm gonna have a badass scar
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
