then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
