worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
