I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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