He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
