he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
