I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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