ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
