If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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