if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
