My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
