do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
