Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
