I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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