I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
