i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
