And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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