You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
