They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So much rum. So many feels.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
