he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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