he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
