Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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