i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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