Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
