her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
