My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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