And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
