cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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