I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize