No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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