So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
