I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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