Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
sex in a hospital.. check
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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