the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize