Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Text me some of your sweat
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
