Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
