Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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