last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
