..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
