your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
