I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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