So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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