I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
