My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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