We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
