i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
