its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
