k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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