all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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