You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
