I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
