dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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