i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
