You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
