i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
