By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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